What is an inconspicuous method of killing an unwanted tree?
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This sounds rather sneaky. Hope it is your tree and you are not renting. If you kill something that does not belong to you, you could end up paying to replace it plus a charge of malicious destruction of property.
drive a copper nail into it and wait.
Black operations! I love it. The copper nail approach will work ...
...eventually.
Faster: drill as big a hole as you can (maybe 1") near the bottom of the trunk -maybe so the hole is actually 1/2" or so below the grass or soil line -hidden. Drill it at an angle, sloped toward the center of the trunk. Make it as deep as the drill bit will go.
Now pour in some "Ground Clear" (formerly called "Triox"). Keep pouring it in during your evening constitutional or whenever you slip out for awhile, or she goes out, or whatever. A total of a pint should do the job. Might want to use a funnel, so none hits the grass or other vegetation, the evidence of which will be obvious.
Then just go merrily along your way, whistling a little tune until in about a month your wife notices that the tree is looking really SICK.
"Oh my God!" you exclaim, "it must have a disease! Better to cut it down before it spreads."
My lips are sealed.
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