I have a bit of a messy boyfriend. Him, himself is clean but the mess he leaves behind him is not!! He leaves things everywhere, socks, dishes, towels. You name it. He doesn't seem to care if he even aims at the toliet or anything. Today was my last straw when I just cleaned up the yard and I go out this morning and he was trying to put in the new lawnmower i the shed, in doing so he threw out toys and whatever else on the lawn so it would fit. Did he do anything about the stuff on the lawn, no! He just assumes it'll disappear. He's like this with the house too, put it on the floor and magically it'll become clean (after I get fed up cleaning it)
How do I suggest he becomes a bit neater without him pulling the ''you don't work so it's your job to clean'' card on me. It's starting to feel like I'm his maid or mother and not his SO.
tell him either he's picking up his * and cleaning, or your picking up your * and leaving his dirty ***.
we'll im just as big as a mess myselff... well was and still kinda am... just tell him to clean his mess up because your not his SLAVE... if you cook, and do general cleaning around the house and the laundry thats more than he should have to ask for...
JUST TELL HIM
im not ur f-u-c-k-ing maid
just because you dont work doesnt mean you always have to be cleaning
especially after him
he needs to be considerate
or get a job a part time or something
just dont let him get away with being so messy
Ya didn't say his age, but if he's over 5 yrs. old, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. :}
i agree that you should do the cleaning but not to clean up his mess, everyone is responsible for the mess they make and if someone is home and not working then they do the general cleaning like the dishes, counter tops, floors, dusting etc. but not to the extent that your talking about, he's being completely unreasonable expecting you to do all the cleaning all the time!!
tell him to get himself sorted or move the hell out, sometimes boys just wont take a hint, you have to be direct!!
A while back I had asked a similar ?. (look at my profile to view) Most of the answers were just silly but one had told me to go to www.flylady.com. This has been my saving grace. Once I started to follow the program everybody else in the house started to do the same. It is a process and it will take some time but it is the best thing I have found to keep clutter down and make cleaning less of a burden. Good luck
By doing it for him you are enabling the behavior. I would simply say this, I know you work hard but I do too, lately I spend more time cleaning up after you than the kids. I feel like you don't care about how hard I work when I am constantly having to go behind you to clean up. For example, then give him examples. I would really appreciate if you would ________. He may not seriously realize how much time you spend picking up after him. He may not be giving a thought to how much mess he is really creating. I wouldn't hesitate to use the parent card and tell him that the kids won't know to pick up after themselves if they see he doesn't. It also wouldn't be a bad idea to lay it on the line and tell him you feel more like his maid or his mother than his partner, etc...
If that doesn't work stop picking up after him period.
I think you need to first talk to him about how you feel about him under the mistaken impression that since you don't work that every thing domestic (cooking and cleaning; etc.) is your job now.
This is a prescription for resentment in your relationship and now this may not be a huge problem in his eyes but obviously this bothers you alot.
Now there are several solutions but only you can pick the best one that suits your relationship.
1. This is the easiest in my eyes. Divy up the household chores and give a list of your responsiblities and his. Remember to give him LOTS of encouragement and love even if he doesn't do the chore according to your standard.
(In reading your statement, maybe when he put the lawnmower back and moving the the toys he may have been thinking that I mowed the lawn and put my mess away that is enough.) In that situation, you could give him encouragement and say, "Honey, I loved that you mowed the lawn but could you not throw the toys in the lawn when you put back the lawnmower. I will make sure that I will keep the toys away from the lawnmower space in the garage."
Well, I have done this with my ex husband and it drove the point home. I used to "nag" him about cleaning up after himself. I finally got to the point where I couldn't stand it and for every mess he made I left the mess in place.
Tactic 2 didn't quite work so I devised a plan instead of me cleaning is mess I cleaned it up of sorts and every dish, socks, laundry just disappeared. When he finally got around to figuring out that "the cleaning fairy" made messes disappear but with the conquences of disappearing his stuff at the same time. This tactic worked well with him because he thought it was funny. I couldn't believe he actually got down to 1 pair of pants, 1 shirt, 1 pair of socks, 1 towel, and 1 glass. I thought he would never let it get to that point but hey to teach a old dog new tricks you must get creative.
I also used this tactic with my children and their toys and lo and behold they never go to bed without picking up their toys for fear of their favorite toy disappearing for a while. Supposedly picked up by the "cleaning fairy. " Granted for my children I never permantly took away their toys . They always got their toys at the end of the week.
How old is he? Remember you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I have a similar problem with a grandson that is in his early 20's. Won't pick up a thing. Nothing I say or do seems to faze him. I've let his laundry go for weeks, not straighten his room, not done his dishes to no avail. Nothing I say or do works. Sounds like you're in the same boat. My suggestion.kick him to the curb otherwise you're going to be a maid for the rest of you time with him or you're going to have to get used to living with a SLOB.
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